I read a book, well I have been struggling to read a book. A “how to deal with anxiety” book and I get anxious enough just trying to read it. A tip that they gave was to start journaling everyday. Journaling when I feel anxious, upset, unsure, emotional – anything I may be feeling – journal it down. But here is my question: How can I take the time to do that when those feelings are overwhelming me every minute of the day? How can I write down what my brain is going through when I can’t even sort out the million things that are racing through it?
So I will journal. I will journal and write down my thoughts and hope that eventually things start to make sense. Right now, it’s overwhelming. My life – it’s overwhelming. Have you ever had that feeling where you feel like you’re falling down the hole Alice felt down but you don’t know if you’re ever going to hit the ground and eat that lovely potion that sets her into a world of adventure? I have that feeling. I’m Alice, I followed the rabbit and now i’m falling – falling, or drowning – falling down a hole where I can’t see the light. I don’t know what’s going to happen. I had such a clear idea of my future. You know when you just know exactly what your future is going to look like? What you are going to do? What you are going to accomplish? I feel like that idea is gone. It’s run away. It’s seen my brain thinking on overload and the future has run away. It’s out of here.
I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t know what my body is going through right now and sometimes I’m scared to figure it out. Maybe I need therapy. Maybe I need a good laugh, a shoulder to cry on, a restart button, a one-way ticket to a new world. But until that happens, I’ll be right here. Journaling my thoughts, thinking up my new reality and trying to make it through one day at a time.
photo credit: this little street